Sunday, April 14, 2013

FIVE FIGURE FEAR AND FORGIVENESS Taking the Gentle Path




I got the email from our tax preparer and I looked at the back page.  “Fantastic!” I thought as the three digit number peeked out on the bottom of the Amount Due line.  I proudly closed the email and moved on.

But then I realized that the federal amount owing was always on the top, the state forms were on the bottom.  I reopened the email, downloaded the form, read the number on the federal amount due and felt my heart stop.  There had to be a mistake.  Five figures? I have never owed five figures in my life. 

My thoughts became frantic.

It had to be a misunderstanding of the IRA rollover – thinking it must be “real” income.

It had to be a mistaken reading of our VRBO numbers.

It had to be………………..it had to be………………….it had to be…………………

My God.  There goes our savings!

Contact with the tax preparer’s office did not help.  And no, there are no deductions for a vacation rental business.  The pension deductions were insufficient and the rest must be paid.

My heart didn’t stop again, but it did beat wildly against my rib cage.

I emailed the tax preparer and outlined the details of the VRBO, the Business Identification Number, the lodging taxes paid, etc. etc.  I was very formal and assuring in my professional manner.

The response I got back was not friendly.  Basically it said the following:

What you say doesn’t matter.
Nothing can be done about it.
It will be worse next year.
You are welcome to get a second opinion.  (Inferred to read “good luck with that”)

The stronghold in my solar plexus cracked and melted a little as my power base rolled into a fetal position.  I was helpless against rules and laws and experts who performed mechanical tasks every day and thought nothing of their impact on humanity.

I was beaten.  I was frightened. 

My first defensive act when I find myself helpless is to fight. 

I had referred this tax preparer to my daughter to help her with an estate issue.  Since I was writing to her about issues around that project, I brought up the email I’d just received.  She confirmed that she too had received abrupt and rude emails and had eventually fired this person and hired another. 

I got his name.  Maybe he could turn this around.  I placed a call and got him straight away.  He confirmed everything our current preparer said about the vacation rental.    He confirmed their reasoning on insufficient withholdings from our pension funds.  He did not assure me that the five figure would go away.  He advised us to pay it in full.  His reasoning made sense.

But he did assure me that he could help us plan for less of a “hit” next year.

I felt better, although I still was frightened about how I was going to pay the bill.  Even more insidious was the unresolved irritation and discontent I held with our current tax preparer.  I hated that feeling of unease that comes from a skirmish that festers into blame or judgment. 

When I am hurt, I choose flight.  I created my perfectly thought out rationale.  Certainly, I didn’t need to repair a relationship with someone who I’d seen only once.  I sure didn’t need to be around someone who could be so callous.  Like my daughter, I could simply pay the bill and walk away forever.  I was entitled to do just that.

I knew better. 

This was a spiritual lesson.  I had the choice of what I was going to do.  I had to take a different path then what I may have used a year or more ago.

So I went into my forgiveness practice.  I said the words, I felt the waves of cleansing wash into my solar plexus and finally I was ready to see her in her total humanity.  I knew that those kinds of emails come when there is a shaky foundation.  Perhaps compassion wasn’t an option because she was tired from too many returns due in a short timeline.  Perhaps she isn’t able to take in challenges to her work. 

Perhaps……………………….Perhaps…………………………Perhaps……………….

It doesn’t matter.  It isn’t my job to know.  It is my job to let it go and heal the rift.

So I wrote a new email.  I apologized for sounding contentious.  I told her of my fears and how much I needed help to know how to protect us from things getting worse next year.  I thanked her for her hard work.  I pressed “send”.  I was free of my negativity.  I moved on.



The next day I got an answer.  She apologized for being harsh.  She is frustrated that the vacation rental is not able to be a business deduction and she agrees that it should be.  She offered to put us in touch with financial advisors to help us build wealth.  She offered to change our vacation rental to a classification that would be a legitimate deduction. 

A later email indicated that next year’s tax hit would be four figures, a figure that was very doable.

The issue was cleaned.  There was no residual negativity on either side.  Knowing that, there was no residual negativity splashing into my dealings with other parts of my life, so there would be no toxic ripple effect. 

When I went into savings account and took stock.  I realized that the tax bill will be paid with ease.  Only my fear caused me to think we were lacking in abundance.  The truth was that when insufficient deductions from pension funds caused a large end of year dip in resources, the Resource of Spirit had the resources available.  We are abundant and we will be fine.  I left this situation feeling immense gratitude.

In retrospect, the lessons are also abundant. 

A fight response is good protection from deep fears but only on the intellectual level. 

A fear response is good only if recognized and addressed.  Removal of judgment and offering the heart to forgiveness and intent on healing is the long term salve to our individual and collective return to love. 

Awareness of our abundance brings us gratitude, which is a heart strengthener.  Staying in fear or judgment overworks the heart.

I gained more compassion through this experience for those who are surprised with financial challenges and who need their own type of spiritual and experiential support.  I send them my prayers for abundant opportunities. 

In all, this experience brought me more than five figures of learning and Grace.  There have been many times when I chose the fight response and charged through a situation because I thought it was what I had to do.  There have been many times when fear mobilized me to hide from my accusers and I did not think I had any way to address their attacks.  But forgiveness and compassion always leads to the gentle path. 


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