Self-acceptance comes from meeting life’s challenges vigorously. Don’t numb yourself to your trials and difficulties, nor build mental walls to exclude pain from your life. You will find peace not by trying to escape your problems, but by confronting them courageously. You will find peace not in denial, but in victory.
J. Donald Walters
Rain is pouring through downspouts on my roofline. Prayer flags are hanging from my trees, drooping under the weight of the water and buffeted by the winds that push and prod plant and tree in my back yard. On each flag, etched ancient symbols resemble graffiti. They mean something; right now it’s not clear.
The steady sound of rain on my roof lulls me. Sitting at the computer, my brain seeks focus so that a promise of a written piece is fulfilled. Nothing seems worthy of capturing on blue and white screen. My creative genius is bereft, like many a writer, I’ve hit the wall.
A wall……………………………………….my mind begins to traverse in new focus.
Recently, I was verbally assaulted at a business event. Because this person means so much to me, the words slammed into me with such force that an “iron wall” clanged down in my solar plexus. It clanged with heavy weight, protecting the softness within.
Mewing insecurities are huddled deep in layers of well crafted defenses. That protective barricade leaps to the rescue when fear flies from my inner shadows.
Wall building becomes a talent when the pain experience is so frightening. Walls of protection have been an important method for me to deal with scary stuff.
Now walls are holdovers, familiar fortresses with graffiti labels.
There are walls at my job built by huge agencies with limited vision. Those walls limit progress. Those walls make my job difficult as I attempt to parlay around their strategies and arbitrary policies. My responding walls are self doubt that has flourished since childhood. The painted graffiti on those walls say “inadequate”.
Another wall rebuilt itself when I learned that a volunteer activity I eagerly wanted to do was abruptly assigned to another person. The wall is mortared with disappointment and distrust. It is that recognizable wall of not being part of the “in-crowd”. Graffiti on that wall spells out “undesirable”.
The wall that clanged at the business event was covered with “failure” graffiti.
Now there is great sadness in knowing that walls built from fear and insecurity have prevent the fully loving relationships that we truly want and need.
Walls teach us our stories. If open to the voice deep within walls can be tools of healing. By naming the walls for why they were built, they become pliable. If we take time to lovingly guide ourselves, we would see the graffiti for what it is; age old labels that no longer fit today’s scenarios. Graffiti becomes the affirmation of a life open to new connections, rather than ongoing isolation.
Like Joshua, it’s good to find ways to see those walls come tumbling down.
Walls of defensiveness fall when admitting our part in conflict of any kind. “I’m sorry” is graffiti that opens the heart to soft humility.
Walls of anger become waterfalls when tears melt the coldness of the heart. “Forgive me” is the graffiti of the free person, letting go of the wrong and opening to love.
Walls of judgment are especially thick. They are built by those who need to feel exalted, but really feel very isolated. The graffiti of “I love you for everything you are” marks the shattered stone blocks with bold vibrant letters.
Diminished walls and new affirmed graffiti bring us in intimate community with each other. When our walls fall, we find our true sense of human frailty. We lose the need for blame or shame, we accept ourselves as we are, we open to all of life experiences. Walls no longer make sense.
When we understand another’s wall, we are truly their friend. How wonderful when we reach out with acceptance and oneness and let a wall diminish just enough to feel the freedom of our heart song to each other.
The walls within me are lighter, just for having been recognized and named for what they are. Reaching into my deepest being, self acceptance is a soft blanket that holds me in love. My world becomes much more welcoming.
The rain has stopped and a gentle breeze now wafts in the back yard. As the prayer flags dance in the wind, my solar plexus dances with the lightness of Self from this deepening journey. On those flags is the ancient graffiti promoting peace, harmony, acceptance, and joy.
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